Production: The Author (Blackbird Productions)
Track Art: Izxist
“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain.
Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears.
Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci.”
Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.
-Alan Moore, Watchmen
(Lyrics)
What's real, what's fake, do you know who you are?
Is the face that you're presenting one that you painted on?
They say fake it 'til you make it, well then I made it I guess;
the false bravado I was touting turned into a sort of confidence.
I say it like that, because I'm not sure of it. Sometimes it turns into cocky and then I'm saying all sorts of wild shit.
You start to believe that your opinion is fact. Then you get a reality check and realize the it just doesn't work like that.
The confidence gave me the power to follow any dream, face paint strong enough to quell those internal screams.
But when those demons go unchecked cause of concepts like hope, you don't realize that when you're brought back down you won't be able to cope
So the higher you go, the farther you have to fall, but when you're ascending you just don't notice it at all
That's why the show is the flight, the crash hidden behind the curtain. Don't worry about the underneath, the surface is what's important.
So paint on a smile, or a tear or a frown.
'Cause if the world is a stage, I guess that makes me a clown.
The face that I present is one that's made to entertain,
'cause honestly if I didn't I'd be going insane.
And as they say, "Well, that's how it goes."
So let me just say hey, welcome to the show.
They say if you're depressed see the clown is what you should do;
but what are you supposed to do if that clown is you?
Well, I don't really have an answer for that, feels like I fell in a vat, and now I'm looking to get the bat.
Man,
My will gets wearier with every act, don't even think, just react, with a reaction like god damn.
I'm saying, I'm getting tried of this part I've been playing. I'm saying, what I feel is not what I'm conveying. I'm saying, I really need this hard work to start paying, 'cause I'm starting to feel like chiaotzu but I started off a saiyan.
But still I entertain, I guess it's better than nothing at all. So give me the ball, I'll balance and fall, and leave the audience enthralled.
A bozo indeed, yes that I'll concede. A bozo in need of some liquor and weed. Some self medication and self rumination, and then I'll be ready to proceed -
into the show where I know how it goes, yet I really don't think that I'm ready to go. Though I'm paying the balance and debt that I owe, when I hit the rock bottom, I fell through, below. It was deep, a depression, born of an obsession to hide my expressions at my own discretion and stop.
