Sins of the Father

Track 9 - Volume 1
Production: Flow Revere



This one is another micro-story, inspired by the beat itself, from Flow Revere's mixtape, "Sell Out". I couldn't stop listening to it; it's one of those songs that you have to play again as soon as it's finished.

It reminded me of when I was younger and hooking up with an ex-girlfriend, and the one time we didn't use any kind of protection. Of course she became pregnant, and the only option we both agreed on was to drop out of school and raise the baby. Fate stepped in two months later, and long story short, I have no child. I always wonder about what would have happened if things were different, and so I turned that "what-if" into a micro-story/lyrics, posted below.

”Look at me,” she said. “In my eyes. Tell me that you love me, please don’t lie.”

He looked away. What could he say? In his mind he didn’t even want to stay. 
But he lied anyways, tried to say that he loved her but, that one day he might not. Though the truth of the matter was that it was a fact. She started to cry. She knew what he felt and was terrified. She was three months pregnant with no guarantee that he’d stay by her side. He said he would, but then again he said he’d do a lot of things. One that stuck out was when he said if he knocked her up he’d get her a ring. 

Of course that never happened, it was the farthest thing from his mind. There he was living life as best as he could and suddenly gets hit on his blindside. Afraid, but putting on a strong face, he wiped a tear from her eye; still not sure of whether or not he would bounce, or even if he’d stop to say goodbye. Maybe he would stay and try, and avoid asking himself why. Every time he thought like that though, the best plan was to leave in the middle of the night. Could he leave her like that? He wasn’t in love but still had love for her. Still, all love accounted for he didn’t want to be a father. 

A few months passed. Now he was pacing the length of a waiting room. Though he stuck it out this long he still didn’t know what he would do. The baby was about to be born, but he couldn’t handle seeing it happen. As a matter of fact, he was about to escape down the stairs right when – he heard his name called, and heard a baby bawl. At that moment he could not leave, he didn’t have the gall. He walked back as if in a trance and when he saw his son, the side that said to stay beat out the side that said to run.

“What a little dude,” he said. “Hard to believe I was once that size.”

His girlfriend laughed. “Yeah,” she said. “Look, he even has your eyes.”

He looked and was mesmerized; though he felt that nagging doubt. He’d try but then he didn’t know what raising a kid was all about. Could he really be a father? he didn’t really have a clue cause his own never bothered. Yet that strengthened his resolve; he’d stay at least until the baby could crawl, stay at least until it wasn’t so small, ignore the part of him that didn’t want to stay at all. It would be more than his dad did, and to him that's all that mattered. 

Though before he was making a living as a dealer, when his son was born he decided he’d live his life a little bit cleaner. He moved into a new apartment, got a legit nine to five, and made sure to change his number to cut off any old ties. Life was changing fast, and he was too. The birth of his child made him grow and changed him in more ways than he knew. Learning to be a father wasn’t as hard as he thought it’d be, he couldn’t believe that his son almost had to call him an absentee. 

Things were going well, he got his shit together. Now he was headed back to his old hood to show how life got better. He stopped by the bodega to get some chips and a quarter-water, made a stop at the barbershop, and gave some change to the park squatters. As he rounded the next block he saw some kids fighting. All of a sudden one pulled out a gun, a shot rang out like lightning. He looked down. He was bleeding pretty bad. He thought of his son.

Boom. Just like that, no more Dad.